|Wooden's Wisdom - Volume 10||Issue 493|
|Craig Impelman Speaking | Championship Coaches | Champion's Leadership Library Login|
"CONTROL CONFLICT CALMLY."
John Wooden Video Clip (1 min. 33 sec.): Coach Wooden is asked: "What are the three rules you set for your players?"
Whether it is at work or home we all at some time get involved in conflicts. The conflict may arise out of a need to provide discipline, a disagreement on how to handle a situation or a disgruntled team member who is angry about a task they have been assigned or their paycheck.
The first step to get a positive outcome out of a conflict is to make sure you respond as opposed to reacting. If the other person is talking with an angry tone, you should use the space between their words and your response to make sure you are using a calm, sincerely friendly tone to let them know you feel badly that they are upset.
If it is an angry email, you should not reply right back with a matching negative tone. You should calmly draft the email response and send it to yourself. Read it the next day and then draft your new response. If you must respond quickly, at least take the time to send the response to yourself and then edit.
Job one in conflict resolution is to calm the tone down. You yell at me and I yell back at you will not end well. Deescalate the situation, don't Escalate it. Coach summed it up this way: "Anger prevents proper thinking and makes you vulnerable."
Communication becomes less effective when you speak with anger and/or question the character or intent of the person with whom you are communicating.
The next step is to seek to understand why the person is upset before you seek to be understood. Listen openly and carefully without thinking about your response. Find and acknowledge the value in some of their ideas and ask how they would like to resolve the situation. Then together, combine the best of their ideas with best of yours and come up with a plan. A conflict can end up being 1-1=0 or 1+1=3. Find the advantage in the disadvantage. When you listen to both sides of the story or the other person's point of view before you respond, your answer will be better received.
Whether it is a conversation at home or a conflict at work, it will be more productive if you remember this great advice from Coach Wooden:
Write these five items on a card and read them to yourself before you act on conflict resolution.
Do your conflicts end up 1-1=0 or 1+1=3?
Yours in Coaching,
The Handy Man
The handy man about the house
Edgar Albert Guest (1881-1959)
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