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Issue 633 - "Collaborate, Don’t Contend" – Jia Jiang (Jia Jiang and John Wooden)

Woodens Wisdom
Wooden's Wisdom - Volume 13 Issue 633
Craig Impelman Speaking |  Championship Coaches |  Champion's Leadership Library Login


Coach Wooden had four pieces of advice for effective conflict resolution:
  1. You cannot antagonize and influence at the same time.
  2. Learn to disagree without being disagreeable.
  3. Listen if you want to be heard.
  4. What is right is more important than who is right.
In his must-read book, "Rejection Proof", ( ), Jia Jung applies these principles with his "Collaborate, Don’t Contend" approach to rejection:
"Arguing with a person who turns you down is probably the least effective way to change the individual’s response. In fact, it’s almost a sure way to get a rejection, because arguing always turns potential collaborators into enemies.
Instead of walking away—or settling—start asking more questions. Work with the person rejecting you so you both share a common view of the situation. Create a situation where it’s not a you-vs.-me zero-sum game, but an us-vs.-them problem-solving game. Make solving the problem a win for both parties.
When I feared rejection, it felt natural to view the people who hold the power to grant me a yes or a no as adversaries. But after I shifted that thinking and started viewing them as collaborators, I suddenly found myself in a whole new territory. I didn’t approach the decision maker with any negative feelings, and that even-keeled mental approach enabled me to maintain positivity and respect. By asking questions about the problem at hand, I turned the potential rejector into a collaborator. The flip side, the opposite of collaboration—argument—is a magnet for rejection."
Do you create collaboration?

Yours in Coaching,
Craig Impelman




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Application Exercise



The Child World

The child world is a wondrous world,
For there the flags of hate are furled,
And there the imps of wickedness
Cause neither sorrow nor distress.
And there is never strife for gold,
There petty gossip's never told,
There all is joy and wondrous mirth,
The child earth is a glorious earth.

The land of childhood is aglow
With smiles, and there pink roses grow
Upon the cheeks of boys and girls;
The golden rod is yellow curls,
And eyes of brown and eyes of blue
Are daisies and the violets, too;
And warm and true is every hand
That clings to yours in Childhood Land.

Who owns a spot on childhood's globe
Envies no king his ermine robe;
Envies no sage his manners wise,—
His world is rich with glad surprise,
The quaintest of all speech he hears,
The truest smiles, the sweetest tears
Are his possessions every day
However troubled be his way.

Who knows the joys of Childhood Land,
The pressure of a tiny hand,
The joy that's in a babe's caress, The soft embrace of happiness,
The sweet good-nights, the shouts of glee
That greet the morning lustily,
Has riches, those who childless live
To know, would all their fortunes give.

Edgar Albert Guest (1881-1959)






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