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Issue 115 - Learn to Disagree Without Being Disagreeable

Woodens Wisdom
Wooden's Wisdom - Volume 3 Issue 115
Craig Impelman Speaking |  Championship Coaches |  Champion's Leadership Library Login



This quote, often used by Coach Wooden, was a key idea he utilized in his personal and professional life.
On a personal level, Coach felt disagreeing agreeably was an important part of his successful marriage. In his book A Lifetime of Observations and Reflections on and Off the Court, with Steve Jamison, Coach described it this way:
Nellie Riley caught my eye the first time I ever saw her back at Martinsville High School in Indiana. It was on a warm star-filled night at the carnival during the summer of my freshman year. I think we probably fell in love right away and didn't even know it.
Folks think Nellie and I had a perfect marriage, but it was because we worked at it. There are rough patches in any marriage.
Very early we understood that there would be times when we disagreed, but there would never be times when we had to be disagreeable.
We kept to that rule for over half a century. Nellie and I had a great love for one another, but we understood that even love takes some work.
On a professional level, Coach disagreed agreeably when disciplining his players. He was strict but never made it personal, but rather focused on the behavior. The players didn't always agree; but Coach didn't feel the conversation had to be disagreeable or antagonistic.
In his book My Personal Best, with Steve Jamison, Coach described his disciplinary method:
I was comfortable being a disciplinarian, but did not want to be an ogre. Therefore, when discipline was required, I tried to dole it out in a manner that was firm but fair, with no emotionalism or anger attached.
Anger prevents proper thinking and makes you vulnerable.
It never got personal, because the purpose of criticism or discipline is not to punish, embarrass, or ridicule, but to correct and improve. It is very difficult to antagonize and teach at the same time.
Benjamin Franklin summarized his thoughts on the subject as follows:
One secret of successful conversation is learning to disagree without being disagreeable. It isn’t what, but how you speak that makes all the difference. Ben Franklin used to remark diplomatically, “On this point, I agree. But on the other, if you don’t mind, may I take exception?”

Yours in Coaching,
Craig Impelman
Twitter: @woodenswisdom




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Application Exercise

Favorite Poetry


 Do It Anyway


People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you have anyway.

You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway.

Mother Teresa 





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